Learning to gaze in the right direction...

No more shuffling along.

No more eyes to the ground only focused on what is immediately before me.

No more

Because there is so much more

To see

To touch

To taste

To love

To know

And to be thankful for.

Big picture living is what I want.

God eyes - Christ perspective - Spirit whisper.

I've missed too much.

Of life

Of hope

Of forgiveness

Of beauty

In the missing, I have sidestepped life. I have avoided love. I have blundered forgiveness. I have overlooked grace. I have fallen short of thanksgiving.

I have ached for more but failed to look up.

My heart is yearning to see from His perspective.

It is a sacred longing.

  © A Sacred Longing 2009-2011

In this place...

Here

In this place

I hear

More than the waves

More than the wind

It is here

In this place

I hear

Him

Speak

Volumes

In the silence of words

In the cacophony of creation

Here

My sacred longing

Finds

A holy surrender

 

© A Sacred Longing 2009-2011

Worthy of a Veteran

I was privileged to have a father who served as a medic in the midst of battle torn Europe in World War II.  I remember for years he would not or possibly could not even speak of his time in service.  It wasn’t until span of years and length of age allowed him the opportunity to ponder and share those days with us.  A few photos and some time-softened memories are all that remain.  (my dad is on the far right)

 
I have also been honored to “serve” alongside my husband for 21 years as he stood prepared in the Air Force. And now while he no longer wears his dress blues, our hearts remain steadfast in honor and reverence. We choose not to forget the distinction and sacrifice of a life lived in service.
Now like many others who enjoy the graces of freedom and liberty, we stand this day in pensive pause. Ponder well, my friends the sacrifices of those who serve in uniform.


And yet, I sit here with thoughts and frustrations of what is to come.


Soon, a young man will be honored for the ultimate sacrifice and I have just found out that there will stand people who will use their voices and their signs to picket this funeral. They stand “in the name of their god” and spew hatred and ignorance.


I am sickened.


I am angry.


Their words are not worthy of an audience. Yet they will force their hatred upon those whose hearts are heavy – an additional weight this family should not have to endure. And yet, it is the sacrifice of this son and many others like him, they can stand in freedom and vomit their hatred.


I am having a tough time with this, can you tell?


Please pray with me that this day will be more than a day off from work but a pause to ponder the sacrifice of those who have and who are serving in uniform.


Please pray that this Monday the voices of those that hate will fall silent upon those whose hearts are heavy.


© A Sacred Longing 2009-2010

I Find My Soul...

In this darkest of night

when my eyes should be heavy in slumber,

sleep does not come.

My mind fumbles awake

with jumbled thoughts and awkward intentions,

restless it wanders.

My heart hungers for touch

in this cold and lonely night,

aching bare and alone.

In this dark and holy moment

when my eyes are heavy

my mind unsettled

my heart broken

I find my soul,

Uncovered

Empty

Waiting

© A Sacred Longing 2009-2010

Twilight Examen

Twilight is falling like a gentle rain. I am not ready for this day’s impending demise because there is much left within me wanting – yet it comes, ready or not.

So, rather than fight the inevitable, I pause to collect my thoughts.

What has this day brought to me? What have I given back to it?
Have those I met been better for our encounter?
What is this day’s greatest blessing?
What is undone...can it remain so for now and maybe forever?
What one thing did I accomplish that brings joy to my heart?
Is there someone I need to make peace with?

Simple questions.
Profound answers.

Within this sacred pause, I am both graced and confronted. Yet, in order to live my life mindfully they must be asked.

For too long, I have toddled along my life’s path from moment to moment missing the holy in the midst of the mundane.

Too often I ventured from the good way because the wrong way looked so right. Those missteps have carried a heavy price.

In these twilight opportunities, we are given opportunity to draw down the shade of this day and wrap ourselves in the great silence of night. Waste not this chance.

Soon, very soon, the grace of another dawn will rise.

O’ Lord, support us all the day long, until the shadows lengthen, and the evening comes, and the busy world is hushed and the fever of life is over, and our work is done. Then, Lord, in your mercy grant us safe lodging, and a holy rest, and peace at the last; through Jesus Christ our Lord.
John Henry Newman

© A Sacred Longing 2009

A long and winding road...

I have been on a long road to daybreak.

It seems like I have been walking hard this last year.

I know that there are times in our lives when the journey seems more cumbersome; when the scenery we pass by is sparse and when the steps we take are incredibly lonely.

I know this doesn’t surprise you (those few that venture to this blog) as my writing has reflected a heavy heart and heavier feet.

Even so the path I wander, much like yours, is full of twists and turns. Our foolish hearts and impaired vision would have us believe that the scenery and thus our lives are stagnant and barren.

Don’t believe that lie!

For rooted deep within our spirit is the joy that comes from the Creator Himself, it is there where our faith is fashioned not by the circumstance of life but the love of our God.

Anticipate the future and its changes with joy. There is a seed of God’s love in every event, every circumstance, every unpleasant situation in which you may find yourself.
Barbara Johnson

I am cresting this hill. I know it.

There will be more hills ahead. I know that too.

My prayer is that my heart and my vision will see the seeds of heaven, first and foremost.


On this Thursday, I am thankful for so much….

I am thankful that my husband’s health. The news we received from the doctor was positive and relieving. Our prayers have been answered – no medical intervention is necessary.

I am thankful that my sister-in-law has made it safely to Ohio. She continues to grow stronger. A few days ago she was able to ingest some applesauce and speak a few words with her speech therapist. We continue to pray that she will not be ventilator dependent and rejoice in the hope that continues.

I am thankful that God never wants to leave us where we are.

I am thankful quiet rainy mornings, my bible and my journal. Add a pair of PJ’s and a cup of coffee, heaven on earth, I tell you!

I am thankful for this blogging community. Sweet friends in Christ, who inspire, encourage and sweeten my days. I am grateful for your prayers. I appreciate your visits and enjoy your comments.


Walking a little bit lighter and a lot brighter….



© A Sacred Longing 2009

Waking up to a glorious sunrise like this, makes me want to stay. However, in the distance, I hear the call to return to life and home.

While what awaits back home is more of the heavy and burdened, I can rest in the joy that the sun will rise again and bring with it new rays of hope, grace and peace.

Sunrises don't just happen at the beach. They grace the mountaintop, the cityscape and the countryside.

I would do well to remember that.

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23

© A Sacred Longing 2009

Just a little prayer update: My sister-in-law flew via medivac back to Ohio today. We made it to Wilmington NC to see her on Wednesday. When we arrived she was off the ventilator and doing well. In fact, she was off for almost 4 hours - what wonderful praise! There is much hope that she will not need ventilator support. She still is unable to move her arms or legs but if we can get her off the vent we can start the rehab soon!

Monday my husband will see a new doctor regarding his pulmonary function. Our prayer is that he will not need any invasive medical intervention at this point. Would appreciate continued prayer for him.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

Praise in the Storm

Yesterday, I do my best at being "real" on the blog.

Baby steps.

Then it happens.

As I tuck myself in for a night's sleep, I am distracted by a horrible headache. Rather than moan all the more, I decided to pick up a Bible on my nightstand and read. Was I in for a treat!

The pages of the Bible fall open. Now, I am not one to automatically think that where the pages fall is where I need to read. However, last night that is EXACTLY what happened and what I needed.

Here I just finished lamenting my inability to wait well and I find myself face to face with "Developing Patience" in BOLD type. Romans chapter 5 is where my Bible fell open and my eyes were drawn to Romans 5:3-5 The Message verson (italics mine).

There is more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we are hemmed in with troubles, because we know that troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience forges the tempered steel of virtue. Keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary, we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours in our lives through the Holy Spirit.

Now, I am one who is better at moaning my laments than shouting my praises. My eeyore-like thinking keeps me rooted on the circumstances and spending too much time looking down.

I need to do a little shouting.

I need to be alert and looking up in expectancy.

I need to be gathering some passionate patience! As I said, it doesn't come naturally but it does come supernaturally - much like I believe this verse did - at this moment - for me.

As I fell asleep, this song came to my mind. Fitting don't you think.





Lord, I will praise you in the midst of this storm. It is still raining but I can hear your whisper and feel the warmth of your breath upon me. Thank you for pouring your mercy and grace upon me. Thank you for your Word that is alive, active and oh, so tangible.

© A Sacred Longing 2009

Done vs Undone

I love this picture of the early morning near the Potomac River.

Calming.

Restful.

Peaceful.

I wish I could transplant myself somewhere into that scene but I can't. So instead, I journey around this bloggy world for some encouragement.

I wasn't disappointed. Of course, stopping by my bloggy friend, Elaine's site is always a pause well spent. Today, was no exception. If you have never visited Peace for the Journey you will be in for a "real" treat. Go there...as soon as you can. Elaine always pens her words with an honesty that speaks volumes. Today, it was just what I needed to hear.

You see, my life has been a bit jumbled of late. A mission trip, a horrendous accident of a family member and now the unknown of health concerns for my hubby.

I am done or at least, nearing being undone. If you have been there you know what I mean.

It is not easy to admit that I am tired.

It is not easy to admit that I am frustrated.

It is not easy to admit that I am not patient in the waiting.

It is not easy to admit that I don't know the answers.

While I know that God hasn't left me; while I know that God gives me the strength to handle life's stressors; while I know that God's timing is perfect; while I know that God can perform miracles -- what I need is to believe. I am echoing the desperate cry of the father in Mark 9, "I believe, help my unbelief."

I am being real here. We still need your prayers.

My sister-in-law has had surgery to stablize her cervical spine. She is a quadriplegic now. During the surgery it was noted that she has had some damage to vocal cords and there is concern that she may not be able to speak ever again. She is still intubated and on a ventilator but the good news is she is breathing strong over it and has shoulder movement. A permanent ventilator may not be needed. So, we wait ...

My hubby on his return trip from NC to be with his sister, received an unexpected call from his physician. Apparently, tests were concerning and warranted further testing. Those have been done and once again we are waiting for test results - could be serious - maybe not - so, we wait...

Since I am being real here, I don't wait well. Patience while a noble virtue, hasn't been a bulwark virtue in my life. It is one I am learning but honestly, don't know if it will ever find its home in me.

So, my friends, this is my life in the here and now.

Thank you for listening!

Thank you for praying!

© A Sacred Longing 2009

Need for Prayer Please!

My husband's youngest sister (44 yo) fell down 15 stairs while on vacation in Topsail, NC. She suffered three cervical fractures, a lacerated lung, a lacerated liver and a broken collarbone. Currently, she unable to move or feel anything below her shoulders. Her breathing became more difficult after the injury and has required a ventilator. She did not sever her spinal cord but the swelling that is occurring post-injury can cause permanent damage. She was life-flighted to a hospital in Wilmington, NC.

Please pray that the swelling will go down quickly and that the damage to the cord will be minimal. Please pray that she will regain as much motor and sensation as possible. Please pray that she will stabilize soon and can be medivac'd to Ohio to be closer with family. Please pray for traveling mercies for family as they travel to be near her.

Last, but definitely not least, please pray for God's hand to be evident to all in the midst of this situation. May hearts of those who do not believe be softened and may lives be changed for the glory of God.

I started my nursing career working with spinal cord injured patients. I am trying my best to keep a positive outlook but it is difficult. I know the possible roads that lie ahead...it is hard.

Please feel free to pass this request on and thank you for your prayers!


© A Sacred Longing 2009

Lauds - The Awakening

Finally, the frenetic pace of life is slumbering. In its rhythmic breaths, a silent tranquility permeates the world

While most people are gently sleeping, I greet this hour with anticipation. There is a tender peace to be found in this morning darkness. One that softly embraces the beginning of my day. Morning is calling my soul to awaken. This is the time I present my sacred offering - body, soul and mind - upon the altar of this day.

It requires a holy preparation for soon the rising sun will beckon the day to begin. As its rays permeate the sky, the day will come quickly. I must be ready to greet all the joys and challenges that will be set before me.

In this precious solitude I find purpose. In this sacred silence, I find strength. In this morn, I find the Source of all I will ever need to carry me through this day.

© A Sacred Longing 2009

Sweet Silence

Sweet silence I beg
do not leave me.
Rather, surround me
in your gentle arms.
In your sweet caress,
may I find peace.
In your warm embrace,
may I find love.
In your quiet comfort,
may I find forgiveness.
Oh, gentle spirit
graceful and true.
In your presence,
I know that God exists.
In the sweetness of solitude,
He speaks to me.

I hope that all of you are enjoying the sweets of the summer. As you can see, I have been to one of my favorite soft-serve stands here. It is a throwback to a generation ago and just as yummy now as I am sure it was then.

These last few days have been wonderful. Quiet, restful and full of tangible moments of God's love. I pray that you will find such moments in your day. They are there, we just need to slow down and savor the sweetness He provides.

© A Sacred Longing 2009

A Holy Transformation

In the quietness of this morning, I have had time to consider how this life's journey for me must change. Fearful, though I am, that the prospect of this reworking will be temporary at best, I endeavor forward. I struggle for boldness and strength. I am all too familiar, that on my own, I have none. In Christ, however, I am learning I have it all.

I plead for courage, a fearless audacity to live in the boldness of Him who I confess as Savior and Lord. I implore for a holy moxie to strengthen the timidity of my own endeavors. Without it I will fail but with it, the transformation that I seek will be a lasting one. Its success or failure lies in the surrender of my will for His.

It will be a daily, if not a moment by moment, chore to abdicate my throne for His. Every thought, every word and every deed will need to be scrutinized to be found worthy of a wanderer of Christ. Sacred pauses in my day will be necessary to confirm the course of my pilgrimage. These holy interludes will be required to verify my bearings and rework my steps as I persevere on this journey to a holy transformation. Necessary and required they are but not easily found, I am sure, at least not in the beginning of this pilgrimage. It will have to be a determined pursuit on my part to seek these pivotal pauses.

So, I prepare.

It's the transformation I anticipate.

Christ in me is what I desire.

© A Sacred Longing 2009

A Prayer of Freedom

Father, I thank you for this country of mine and for the freedom and liberty I have. I know that this hasn’t come without a cost. Much too often the price is too high for our hearts and minds to comprehend. Thank you for those who stand strong and courageous when this nation sends out its battle cry. It is in their boot prints that we stand free and proud.

In heartfelt gratitude I lift up those who in service to our country are separated this day from their loved ones. Bind these separated hearts together with a strength and devotion that miles cannot break apart. Guard and guide these men and women until they are safe at home again.

With deep sorrow, I pray for those who have lost life, limb and hope in battles here and abroad. Surround them and their families with your loving arms. Give them the strength and courage to step into the days ahead. Let not their sacrifice be forgotten.

Oh gracious Lord, embolden us all to live our lives in a manner worthy of the sacrifices made. Let us not forget that the rights we enjoy have been paid for by the valor of others.

On this day, a day of remembrance and celebration when speeches will abound, let not our words be proud and empty. May we with humble hearts, pray and seek your face. May we turn from those things that bring sorrow to your heart and look for your forgiveness. Bless us Lord, this country and its people. May we never lose favor in your sight.

Peace and Quiet -

You have made my soul for Your peace and Your silence, but it is lacerated by the noise of my activity and my desires. My mind is crucified all day by its own hunger for experience, for ideas, for satisfaction. And I do not possess my house in silence.
Thomas Merton

Quiet my soul, Father.

The night shade of this day is creeping ever closer. The softness of sleep calls to my weary and tired body. The wild and frenzied pace of this day has propelled me to this moment. Frenetic thoughts and movements continue to assault me. My home is possessed but not with a holy and sacred silence of the soul.

I try to be quiet. It doesn't work.

Holy Spirit, fall upon me now. Free me from the chains that bind me to the internal, infernal noise.

In the riches of Your holy release, may I sleep in grace filled peace.

Amen.

(This was originally posted on my blog "Teacups and Time" )

Holy Vibrations

It seems rather ridiculous that I would be the one to give such advice. Advice to move on and leave what has been the past, the present and a definition of an existence if not in whole at least in part.

I am not known for moving on easily. I tend to cling to the familiar. Hide in the usual. Wither in the expected. This is not exactly the soap box that I should be standing upon. Yet, I find this time the very words I speak for someone else, vibrate deeper in my own soul.

So, if you have been wondering where I have been – I have been, well, wondering myself.

Pondering the placement of the sun, moon and stars
Reflecting on the changes that have taken place in my life
Meditating on the Voice that whispers to my soul
Speculating as to where this life-path before me will lead

This sacred chase my soul has engaged in has enfolded a hush upon my muse. It is not a terminal condition but rather a deep, cleansing breath – a heavy sigh for the soul.

Soon…very soon…my muse will be uncovered.

Rerun #3 - Be Still

This was originally posted on my Teacups and Time Blog last January. I have made a few changes. After visiting Without Wax today, I was prompted to share this post again.

Be still and know that I am God.

Psalm 46:10

I have felt a call of late. It is beckoning my very soul into its presence. It asks nothing more of me than to be quiet. It would seem at first glance that I am being asked the impossible.

The frenetic pace of life has infected me with its virus of restless and wandering thoughts. I am tainted, contaminated but thankfully, not terminal.

So, I wait.

In the quiet of my surroundings, I wait. Loudly and impatiently, I wait.

There is a mystery in silence.

Surrender and healing draw near.

**************************************************

Be still and know that I am GOD

You are the Alpha and Omega. All things are created by your hand. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens without your knowledge. Great are you, Lord, and mighty in power. My existence is by your hand. My very breath is whispered from your lips.

Be still and know that I AM

You were before anything was. You are here now. You will forever be. What You are I am not nor will I ever be.

Be still and KNOW

It doesn't come easy. Good things rarely do. Priceless items like wisdom and knowledge are treasures to seek. I know very little, save the fact, I want you Lord - morning, noon, night, inside, out, above, around and below - only to know You.

Be STILL

Quiet me. I create my own clamor. Incessantly, even when I don't want to, I do. Turn my very being away from the outward things and toward you.

BE

Exist in Him.

Exist for Him.

Breathe Him alone.

A Morning Song

There is something beautiful in this dark hour. A deep penetrating quiet that floods my soul. It washes over me with such ferocity I can't help but soak it in. As others sleep, I sit.

Waiting.

Listening.

You're my place of quiet retreat; I wait for your Word to renew me.
Psalm 119:114 The Message

Sometimes I hear with great clarity.

Other times, the clamor within makes the listening difficult.

Today is a little of both. Often the case when the day ahead promises a fullness of time and responsibility. Yet, here in this dark we meet.

Your Presence and my soul unite. The muse of my heart awakens to the joy found in this morning. This marrying of The Holy and the hungry gives rise to praise.

A fitting start to the day.

A Night's Reprieve

The veil of this day has softly fallen and night has quietly crept in. As the light began a retreat to its resting place, I found myself drawn to the silence of darkness and to its sweet, soothing stillness hanging heavy in the air.

I greet these hours of dimming light with much welcome for it has not been an easy day. I can feel its enveloping solitude permeating my soul. I hunger for this. Right now, I need this. Difficulty has been this day.

Unexpected and unwanted visited me early and stayed well past their welcome. Neither had I greeted with much fondness. Yet, the lack of a warm and welcoming greeting never caused a moment’s hesitation in their appearing or in their staying.

Finally, in this darkness, I find relief.

It calls for release. It demands a letting go of all that called itself today. I gladly relinquish my claim to all the anger, frustration, angst, pride and hurt that invaded my day. I give it all away - what was good and what was not.

Today there was more of not.

Tonight there is a reprieve.

Tomorrow will be a new day.

(Now there is a new blog)