Mountaintops

I learned a few lessons during this recent trip to Ecuador. First and foremost, I am not made to live upon the mountaintops.

I have been one that longs for mountaintop living – figuratively and literally.

Much like men of old, I figure that the sheer proximity to the heavens would bring me much closer to the face of God. The pristine beauty of the mountains speak of the glory of the Creator. I can’t help but feel His very presence in such places.

In Quito, I learned very quickly I was not made for mountaintop living. Altitude sickness took what little breath was left within. My first night was spent alternating between the bed and the bathroom floor.

Humbling

Yet and still, morning came and duty called. The reason for our journey was to begin. We were met with a multitude of people at the hospital, anxiously waiting for the clinic to begin and hoping beyond hope that they or their family member would be among the chosen few.

Chosen

Much like those who were chosen for the surgery, I was one of many who were chosen for this moment. I don’t know why but I know that it was a gift. Foolishly, I may have thought that what I was giving was the gift, however, perspective changes on a mountaintop.

Quito stands proudly at 9252 feet but more importantly, I stood upon high and holy ground. It was as if the very glory of God was revealed. I knew while chosen for such a time as this, mine was not the only life to be changed. Others may have a more tangible expression of our encounter but I left with an indelible mark upon my soul. I have been graced with this visit to the mountaintop but I was definitely not called to remain here.

My life is lived in the valleys between.

© A Sacred Longing 2009





Pics: Alpaca near Otavalo, Ecuador; Op Walk team on Day 1 (I am 2nd row, far right); Walking with a patient in the hospital; Quito, Ecuador with Our Lady of Quito statue on the top of the mountain.

Dwelling in the Possibilities

In the midst of the gestures and words of welcoming, I was drawn like a moth to a flame to this littlest one. There in the arms of the one I would soon come to know as his father, was the most precious bundle of cuteness. Large chocolate almond eyes and the chubbiest cheeks I have ever seen melted my heart with each innocent, sweet giggle that passed through his lips.

Knowing what we were offering was not for ones so little, his presence was unexpected. Who was this precious one, I wondered.

Clarity came in the form of his mother. A dear young woman who bore this bundle of sweetness not more than 4 months ago – she needed what we were offering. Pain and dysfunction care not of age or circumstance. She knew that all too well. She lived it daily. She survived it moment to moment because she had no other options – until today.

As chaos and need overwhelmed us all, her voice was heard.

In that moment, her want united with our offering. Soon, upon a simple operating room table, a sacred communion of faith and grace was celebrated. With the last suture closed, a future and a hope were restored.

This young mother and I met in a moment of possibility. Together with a few hesistant steps we began a path toward potential. While my efforts were minimal, I continue to pray that her results are phenomenal.

Through a tearful goodbye, we promised each other much the same...she would think of us when she was chasing that bundle of cuteness around the home and I would envision her doing that very same thing...at those moments we would pray for the other.

Humbled by grace.
United in faith.

Love was made visible in that hospital in Ecuador.

May we all continue to dwell in the possibilities that began there!



© A Sacred Longing 2009

Whispers in the Wind

Each moment that I am given another breath is an opportunity to make my life count for the glory of God.

I am learning, therefore, that my life is a simple offering of choices. Even those choices that seem inconsequential have an impact of lasting proportion. That fact alone has given much pause to my spirit of late.

I have, for a good while, wanted to live my life in God's will. Yet, what this really meant has been an elusive search.

I had always assumed that bearing children and being a mother would be a part - a very large part - of my life. Are we not called to be fruitful and multiply? Is that not why we women are made and fashioned? When the days, months, years passed by without a pregnancy, doubt settled in. Where was God?

With doubt came an open doorway for fear to enter. Fear that I wasn't who I should be; that I wasn't ever going to have what I wanted; that my life would be insignificant and forgotton. Paralyzed and numbed by fear, I made choices that kept me hidden and irrelevant - the very thing that terrorized me was being fashioned by my very own hands.

So, I hid my search for God's elusive will. My choices were weak and half-hearted because I couldn't see the future. Weak choices - weak life. A wallflower existance in the midst of a garden of opportunity.

I lost sight of my purpose. I lost hope in my desires.

"Our desire to live should be for the sake and the glory of God, who put us on this earth in the first place." - Francis Chan

My hidden time searching for God's elusive will was wasted moments. Misspent and misdirected focus on a future that could never happen. It would never happen because by looking ahead, I missed the now - the foundational moments for what is to come.

My now is a whisper in the wind of my eternity. Yet, it is the point of departure for the future to come. Learning to choose for His glory in all things, small and large, I will be in His will. No need to search anymore. No need to hide anymore.

Live. Live now. Live in the fullness of God's grace and glory.

In doing so, I prepare now for a mission trip. This time tomorrow I will be on an airplane with its final destination in Quito, Ecuador. I pray that I will stand boldy and courageously in the strength of my Lord. I pray that I will be used as a vessel of grace and an ointment of healing balm to those on this surgical mission. I pray that all that I think, say or do will bring glory to the One who inhabits my very being.

(This photo was taken through an operating door in Nicaragua - our last trip)

© A Sacred Longing 2009

Countdown to Ecuador

I know that I have been noticeably absent.

I am not sure why.

I am full of words, thoughts and yet, not a single one have I been able to muster into a coherent idea to share. I think as the days draw closer to my trip to Ecuador, I am feeling overwhelmed.

One of my inherent weaknesses is my need to control. Which is why I tend to be a good planner – planning and control seem to be good companions. Yet, for this trip I am planning nothing but my own arrival to the airport. There it will end – my control - that is.

So for now, I worry. I can do that. I am not supposed to but I am really good at it.

Why am I so gifted at the things I am not supposed to do?

Will you help me by praying? Pray that as I prepare for this trip I will release my grip and open my hands to receive what God gives. Also, that I will find the strength to give my anxious thoughts to the only One who can give me the peace that surpasses all understanding.

I know the grace that comes from trips such as this. My heart has been overwhelmed in the past and I expect that it will happen once again.

I can’t help but feel nervous though because I have felt the Lord whispering to me of late. At times it has felt like a commissioning – the call to move on. I am not sure the where, the why, the what or the how and that is unsettling. I guess that is the point. I should be unsettled. Comfort is not what He has called me to. Where this trip fit to this is yet to be seen but I am sure of one thing – it will be seen. In His time and when He reveals.

So for now I will share a journal entry from my last Operation Walk mission trip as much for you as it is as a reminder for me of what is to come...

It is hot, oppressively hot. Every pore of my body is sweating in a wasted effort of trying to cool itself. I am soaked, exhausted but grateful I am here in Nicaragua.

I am blessed with the opportunity to be in this place, right now. Living a brief moment of my life outside of the box. Here I am living my vocation – giving my vocation to those who may have never had an opportunity for this life changing surgery, were it not for grace.

Grace.

In this brief moment, we all are experiencing it.

I have often heard from those who have traveled similar paths before say, “what is received is so much more than what is given.” No truer words could be spoken. It is impossible to live this experience and not be changed in some way.

In my ordinary, I am a nurse. It is my occupation – with is many rules, regulations and expectations. In this extraordinary moment, it is my vocation – a sacred calling. I am lost in the grace overflowing – to me, within me and from me.

I cannot be the same.

© A Sacred Longing 2009