New Doors

I know that my blog has been a bit redundant after the Haiti trip.  Quite honestly, I am ashamed to say it has been a lot like the movie "Groundhog Day".  I was too afraid to move on. 

On Saturday,  I stepped down from any real role on our church's womens ministry leadership team.  It was a humbling departure for I had to admit that I hadn't been pulling my fair share for the last few months.  I was too busy wrestling with God and not wanting to give up something that I have been so involved in for the last 15 or so years (3-4 at this church).  But as I walk away from this with a limp, I know that I have chosen the right thing. 

For much to long, I have been wanting to stay comfortable in what I know rather than stepping out into the waters God was calling me to.

My lack of follow through left me listing like a boat without a paddle or motor.  Disobedience does that.

My lack of follow through caused confusion not only for me but for those around me.  Disobedience does that.

My lack of follow through compounded problems rather solved even one.  Disobedience does that.

My willful disobedience didn't bring about anything of value or lasting promise.

So, Saturday I had to ask forgiveness from my God and from those around me.  Not easy but necessary. 

Necessary for the next step...



© A Sacred Longing 2009-2010

Welcome Home

Home

That is where we are now. Almost unpacked and settled in.

Often the coming home is much sweeter than the being away - hard to believe and even harder to say.

What not so long ago was the rut and routine has gracefully become the warm and cozy. Within its embrace we are welcomed back to the reality of life.

And, we are glad to be back.

I think that we all need those get away moments. Sabbath breaks in the midst of being. Occasions to release, replenish and return.

Release that which we should never had gripped so tightly.
Replenish what is left empty and wanting.
Return not so much to what was but what should have always been.

Home again.




© A Sacred Longing 2009

Mountaintops

I learned a few lessons during this recent trip to Ecuador. First and foremost, I am not made to live upon the mountaintops.

I have been one that longs for mountaintop living – figuratively and literally.

Much like men of old, I figure that the sheer proximity to the heavens would bring me much closer to the face of God. The pristine beauty of the mountains speak of the glory of the Creator. I can’t help but feel His very presence in such places.

In Quito, I learned very quickly I was not made for mountaintop living. Altitude sickness took what little breath was left within. My first night was spent alternating between the bed and the bathroom floor.

Humbling

Yet and still, morning came and duty called. The reason for our journey was to begin. We were met with a multitude of people at the hospital, anxiously waiting for the clinic to begin and hoping beyond hope that they or their family member would be among the chosen few.

Chosen

Much like those who were chosen for the surgery, I was one of many who were chosen for this moment. I don’t know why but I know that it was a gift. Foolishly, I may have thought that what I was giving was the gift, however, perspective changes on a mountaintop.

Quito stands proudly at 9252 feet but more importantly, I stood upon high and holy ground. It was as if the very glory of God was revealed. I knew while chosen for such a time as this, mine was not the only life to be changed. Others may have a more tangible expression of our encounter but I left with an indelible mark upon my soul. I have been graced with this visit to the mountaintop but I was definitely not called to remain here.

My life is lived in the valleys between.

© A Sacred Longing 2009





Pics: Alpaca near Otavalo, Ecuador; Op Walk team on Day 1 (I am 2nd row, far right); Walking with a patient in the hospital; Quito, Ecuador with Our Lady of Quito statue on the top of the mountain.

A Holy Transformation

In the quietness of this morning, I have had time to consider how this life's journey for me must change. Fearful, though I am, that the prospect of this reworking will be temporary at best, I endeavor forward. I struggle for boldness and strength. I am all too familiar, that on my own, I have none. In Christ, however, I am learning I have it all.

I plead for courage, a fearless audacity to live in the boldness of Him who I confess as Savior and Lord. I implore for a holy moxie to strengthen the timidity of my own endeavors. Without it I will fail but with it, the transformation that I seek will be a lasting one. Its success or failure lies in the surrender of my will for His.

It will be a daily, if not a moment by moment, chore to abdicate my throne for His. Every thought, every word and every deed will need to be scrutinized to be found worthy of a wanderer of Christ. Sacred pauses in my day will be necessary to confirm the course of my pilgrimage. These holy interludes will be required to verify my bearings and rework my steps as I persevere on this journey to a holy transformation. Necessary and required they are but not easily found, I am sure, at least not in the beginning of this pilgrimage. It will have to be a determined pursuit on my part to seek these pivotal pauses.

So, I prepare.

It's the transformation I anticipate.

Christ in me is what I desire.

© A Sacred Longing 2009