Pausing to Count

I am starting this remembering again but this time I will number.  I think that I didn’t before because…well…I knew it wouldn’t be easy.

It isn’t easy to stop and see.  Nor is it easy to remember the smaller things.  Life left to its own devices screams past in a blur and yet in that very statement lays the heart of my problem.

Left to its own…what joy is that? 

Life owns nothing but the One who creates and sustains possesses it all.  The smallest of sparrow, the bud of the flower, the song of the crickets and my very breath are simple gifts of grace in the hand of God.

So, I begin, once again, to still my very self to see, to remember and to count.  I number for my heart.  A heart that pauses to take hold of Grace won’t have room for a life left to its own device. 

1. Early morning quiet

2. A cup of coffee and a good book

3. An early preview of summer's sun

4. A 4-legged companion to a morning jog

5. An unexpected video from a visit with my mom

6. Taxes that are done

7. Clean sheets and soft pillows

8. The opening blooms

9. Bubbles and baths

10. The grace that allows me to begin again

© A Sacred Longing 2009-2012

Beyond the Glass

Sometimes I feel like I am on the inside looking out.

Life swirls around.

I gaze – I gawk – I dream but there is something that keeps me from riding the whirlpool.

I don’t like feeling like an outsider.  It is uncomfortable and lonely.

Too much time wasted – staring out through the curtains.  Watching and wishing.  

Just a few weeks ago, I celebrated another birthday.  The cake is getting pretty small in comparison to the bonfire lit on top.  It is crazy at times to think of the years that have gone by without much thought. 

It is crazy and at the same time, sad. 

Barbara Johnson once said, “We spend our lives dreaming of the future, not realizing that a little of it slips away every day.” 

I am beginning to understand the truth in this statement.

Like grains of sand that fall through my fingers, days pass quickly into months and then years. 

Lost

Forever

I am but a mist. 

Waste no more.  Wish no more.

Seeking to live today.


Today I continue to gather the graces with gratitude:

- a warm cup of coffee and a pastel painted sunrise
- the laughter of friends
- the smell of his hair
- a friend who doesn't give up
- truth spoken with love
- warm sand between the toes

Also joining in today with Laura and Playdates with God:

© A Sacred Longing 2009-2011

The Gathered Graces

Monday morning - is it the beginning of a work week or the ending of a weekend?  In reality I guess,  it is a little of both and that is okay.

This past weekend I had the grace of nothing.  Pure unadulterated nothingness was savored.  Each empty moment was gathered into a bouquet of grace - a fragrant and beautiful reminder that even in the nothing His presence abounds. 

I need these bare moments. 

It is more than a need.  It is a craving – a desperate ache to be empty and wanting. 

In a world that wants to be inundated with things to have and with things to do, I want less.  I hunger for nothing.

I am learning that until I am naked and wanting.  I will not see.  I cannot hear.  I forget to touch.  I barely live.  I am too easily distracted by thoughts and things and people. 

This weekend was abundantly nothing.  That was good, so very good.

Still savoring the simple and stark. 

Today I join in with a thankful heart and gather the gratitude ...

- a long weekend away to empty
- a husband who loves to laugh
- dogs who are happy to see me come and sad to see me go
- garden fresh tomatoes still warm from the sun
- sweet corn on the grill
- thunder and rain on a hot summer evening
- a camera that can capture what I never really saw
- a heavy sigh and a warm embrace



Also joining in today with Laura and Playdates with God:





© A Sacred Longing 2009-2011

Unknown and yet...

I was seeing something I had seen before and yet, I had never been in this place. Unknown and at the same time familiar – a sensation that is hard to grasp and much harder to find words to adequately describe but it was and is what I am experiencing.

The sun is the same glowing orb that rises over my home every day.

And there, it too shines brightly.

The wind is fiercely blowing through the trees outside my window. As it passes by me on its never ending journey.

It is much like the breeze that caressed my cheeks on the top of that mountain.

Indescribable creation beyond my borders…

Indescribable yet familiar…

God’s handiwork

Begging to be seen

Hungering to be touched

Longing to be loved

Here

And

There

I am ever grateful for the opportunity I have had to travel to see God's creation.  I am amazed by the beauty and humbled by the abundance that He has given us - color; sounds; heights; depths; smells; animals and above all, His precious people.

My heart continues to be awakened from its slumbering state and amazed by His handiwork.

I continue to recount my meager thanks

- safe travel to and from Guatemala
- the breathless dance at 12,000 feet
- the indelibly marked vision of a little one chasing our bus through the fields
- experiencing it all with my husband by my side
- the opportunity to hold such beauty in my hands
- the grace to pray with these little ones

 

© A Sacred Longing 2009-2010

Fractured...

I am afraid.  I wouldn't be honest if I said otherwise.  However, it is not a fear of my physical safety but rather one of my heart.

A heart that still beats fractured from a small, island experience.

A heart that knows there is more breaking to come.

It is what I have asked for...

"to be broken by the things that breaks His heart"

Still and yet, this weakened vessel knows what lies ahead. 

At this moment, I ponder my gratefulness ...

- suitcases crammed with shoes, books, soccer balls and blankets
- a plane ticket to Guatemala
- the grace of opportunity
- prayers of a church last Sunday
- a heart that still beats fractured

I may be afraid, my precious friends.  But long ago I was told by a friend that the blessing is in "doing it afraid".  There is truth to be milled there.  We have not been called to the safe and the cozy.  For in safety our clay crafted vessels remain intact. 

Intact vessels keep to themselves what was never theirs to keep.  What is poured in is meant to be shared.  It is the broken and fractured vessel that leaks the grace that fills it.

On my way to being shattered.









© A Sacred Longing 2009-2010

There is nothing but God’s grace. We walk upon it; we breathe it; we live and die by it; it makes the nails and the axles of the universe.

-Robert Louis Stevenson

Sweet breath inhaled on a early morning walk

Sounds of dripping dew

A visual and tangible reminder of  a morning's devotion..."What is your life?  You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." 

A community's stand for one who stood for us

Lots of shoes and the feet that are waiting for them

Warm cups of tea

Letters to a mother

Soft pillows, clean sheets and a warm home

Gentle and kind words


My very breath is a full measure of His grace.  For neither the remainder of today or the plans for tomorrow are guaranteed. 

Here and now my gratitude and His grace are meeting.  May it not be the only time these two shall dance within my heart and on my lips.

Grace and gratitude belong together like heaven and earth.

Grace evokes gratitude like the voice an echo.

Gratitude follows grace as thunder follows lightening.

Karl Barth

 

© A Sacred Longing 2009-2010

Thankful for the Sacred Graces

I wonder sometimes where my thankfulness gets lost.

I start out well with good intentions and then before I know it my thoughts are jumbled and crossed. In the midst of such confusion, my heart soon wearies. I let the weight of the present fall heavy upon me. Under its burden, I miss the grace that longs to be seen.

Simple things...

Sunshine breaking through a cloudy sky

A red-crested woodpecker pounding away on a hard maple tree

Time to gather my thoughts and my words

Friends who are patient even when I am not

Faithful furry friends who stay closer than a shadow

The smell of his cologne that lingers well past his leaving for work

Memories recalled within spaghetti sauce and meatballs

An abundance of shoes waiting for feet

These simple graces are ones that transform moments into memories.

In the seeing I feel the breath of my Creator upon me. His Presence made manifest by a heart begging to bear witness. 

Weary not I pray, of my feeble attempts to be attentive.  Instead join me in counting the graces and giving thanks.

A late edition to "Multitude Monday - One Thousand Gifts", but a start nonetheless. 
 




© A Sacred Longing 2009-2010

One Thousand Gifts...counting on

Like gathering flowers on a spring morning, I continue to enfold the graces given.  To look upon and remember that their amazing abundance should not be missed.

I nearly missed these moments, my friends.  I almost chose not to be there and ever grateful that I didn't.

21. Sunrise on the Chesapeake Bay

22. A precious and holy moment at the start of my day

23. A warm, cozy fire with precious friends

24. A vision of home

25. Catching up on some much needed rest

Ever grateful I am that the recollecting continues.  Grace in the simplest forms should never be missed.

© A Sacred Longing 2009

The counting continues...

It has been a difficult beginning to this year. One might find it even difficult to notice the graces beyond the grief.

Still, when the watching is clouded by life, the graces remain.
Constants in the midst of turmoil.

So as I begin to regroup and gather my life once again, I meet here in this moment to mark the blessings observed.

12. A mother who loved her family, not perfectly, but as completely as she could.

13. The opportunity to say goodbye one last time.

14. Memories caught on paper, recorded in photos and etched forever in our minds.

15. Friends who came, not because they knew her but because they loved us.

16. Tears that empty our souls of the hurt within.

17. A night's rest on a cozy bed under warm blankets on a cold winter night.

18. The prayers of those who venture to my little corner of cyberspace. We've never met and yet we journey a path together.

19. Employers and coworkers who understood and supported us.

20. The peace that comes from knowing our grief is as transient as our lives and one day - it will be no more. One day the joy will come and remain forever!


These moments are necessary, my friends. I pray that you too find time to gather your graces. When the sacred chaos of life overwhelms, purposefully observe. Draw them close. Remember them. In the grasping, you will feel the hand of God.





© A Sacred Longing 2009

One Thousand Gifts - Counting on

This has been a difficult week. Not the usual for such a festive time of the year but nonetheless, it was ours.

We spent the last few days traveling between to mothers - his and mine. One holding on tightly to this side of heaven and the other dreaming soon she will be there, face to face.

We are just plain tired.

We didn't shop. We didn't wrap. We didn't open. We didn't eat in abundance.

We did spend the holiday with two who have loved us most.

We did give what we could - ourselves - to those who wanted nothing more.

At first I confess, I found it hard to be grateful. It was too easy to moan and complain even if most of those words remained in my head. Sadly, that was selfishness within not the Truth all around.

Yet, here in this exercise I am an unwrapping the gift I needed the most.

A grateful heart focused on the Truth not the circumstance.

6. Doctors, nurses and aides who work seven days a week, 24 hours a day and 365 days a year with compassion and professionalism

7. The love of a mother's heart

8. A memory recalled when most are forgotten

9. A hot cup of coffee on a cold winter morning

10. The sweet and savory aromas of a favorite Italian deli triggering a multitude of memories

11. Safe travel to and from Ohio

Miss not on these opportunities, my friends, to recollect your graces. While your eyes may not always see your favors, in a simple act of remembrance grace abounding will be found.

© A Sacred Longing 2009

A Journey of Grace

While it seems most fitting to save "starts" like this to the beginning of a new year, I don't think that this should wait.

I have waited too long.

Could this be why my days long gone have felt like something less?
Could it be why my present day seems jumbled and harried?
Could it be why my days to come seem pressing and formidable?

Simple things unrecognized and often, just plain ignored. In my missed appreciation, much more was lost.

So, this day I join the multitude in giving voice to my thankfulness.

1. A shimmering blanket of white that forced upon us a pause to life.

2. Hope that can be found in silence and prayer. An echo of Light in the gray, dark of life.

3. Beauty that speaks Truth

4. A hot and steamy bowl of chili.

5. A faithful friend waiting for me.

And so it begins.

A testament to the bounty that was and is and will be upon my life.

A record of simple things and yet profound, for in their recollection I am given much.

Like a gift being unwrapped, in the remembrance and then the writing, I am finding the treasure within...perspective.

So with this post I join my gratitude with others and though it may be a day late, it really is not. For it is never too late to be grateful.

To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven.
Johannes A. Gaertner

© A Sacred Longing 2009