Deconstructing

What gift are you giving that he did not first give?  What truth are you teaching that he didn't first teach?  You love.  But who loved you first?  You serve.  But who served the most?  What are you doing for God that he could not do alone?

How kind of him to use us.  How wise of us to remember.

- Outlive Your Life...Max Lucado

It is easy to get lost in the doing, when what you are doing is good.  It is a lesson that I am learning as I seek to serve others in the name of Christ. 

Each mission trip taxes the heart, the mind, the body and the soul.  It is a process of pouring out of all that was poured in.  God does not fill us to become bloated and stagnate.  Rather, fresh water - living water - is a continual cleansing flow. 

So, it is imperative that I learn to not to impede the flow by stacking tasks and goals like a dam.  Planning is good but seeking His timing is better.  Setting an objective is important but allowing His intention to change the goal is crucial.  When I get lost in the doing and begin to build the dam, I need time to deconstruct.  To remove the impediments and revive my heart, my mind, my body and my soul.  To restore the flow.

Seeking to "remember" it is Him.  It always was.  It will always be.

© A Sacred Longing 2009-2011

In this place...

Here

In this place

I hear

More than the waves

More than the wind

It is here

In this place

I hear

Him

Speak

Volumes

In the silence of words

In the cacophony of creation

Here

My sacred longing

Finds

A holy surrender

 

© A Sacred Longing 2009-2011

Letting go...

There are things that I just hold too tightly.

Some I think I should clench securely.

Most things in truth,  I shouldn’t.

But I am good – real good - at holding on.

Like the proverbial dog with a bone I grasp tighter, growl louder and run away as fast as I can. Never once do I drop the bone.

Until now…

As I welcome 2011, I have come to an understanding that this year will be a year of RELEASE for me.

A 365 day beginning of a journey towards letting go…

Releasing the things I shouldn’t grasp so tightly – good and bad.

The accumulations of days and experiences last year have brought me here. 2010 was a year of awakening for me. I began to see far beyond the margins of my little world. Yet within its gathering, I realized that what lies beyond is not that far at all. Through Haiti, Guatemala and even here in my own backyard I have had the gift of unwrapping the unfamiliar to expose what I most want – GOD.

It is a realization that leaves me broken in so many ways and yet, like the grand mosaics that grace cathedrals, my broken becomes beautiful.

I have to let go of what I thought was mine.

I have to let go of what I dreamed was to be mine.

I have to let go of what I have grasped so tightly.

I have to untie the things that bind me.

I have to expose the hurt that hides within me and bid it farewell.

I have break up the root of bitterness that has found its place within me and place it aside.

I have to unleash the love, the grace and the mercy that God so abundantly pours out upon me into the lives I come to encounter.

I fear it will not be an easy task – this releasing.

But God…

Pry open my fingers, my heart, my mind and my soul. May I grasp nothing but what You desire for me. May I hold things tangible or not only as tightly as You allow.   May I release them as quickly as You bid me.  In the letting go may I find the only thing worth grasping...You!



© A Sacred Longing 2009-2010

Leaving the Embittered Path

Have you ever been here? A place where you know you shouldn’t be. It is a place where you really don’t want to be but yet, you can’t seem to let it go because it has been a part of you for way too long.

Familiarity doesn’t mean good or right - just familiar.

This has been my place for the last few weeks. I am not proud that I have journeyed here and have chosen to remain.

I know better.

I want better.

My choices, my selfish and arrogant choices, however, indicated otherwise. I have been camping out in my own bitterness. Ignoring the promptings on my heart and instead, feasting on more selfish and bitter root.

God beckons with more urgency and greater intensity. He will not be ignored.

My heart softens and then is broken. He has that power to shatter the concrete shell of bitter discontent and reveal the beating flesh within.

I can no longer ignore His promptings. They are too deafening to disregard. I must respond by leaving this place. Leave it all behind. Nothing that I brought should travel on.

I will admit I find it difficult to leave it all behind. Much of it has kept close comfort. Most has reasoned my bitterness. Without it, I journey on naked and vulnerable.

Yet, I know. It is all or nothing. Leave it all behind or look at nothing different for the destination ahead. A place of forgiveness, I pray.

Where this path will end, I do not know. Its finish is now in the hands of another.

Peace comes in the obedience. I pray for restoration in the destination.

Holy Vibrations

It seems rather ridiculous that I would be the one to give such advice. Advice to move on and leave what has been the past, the present and a definition of an existence if not in whole at least in part.

I am not known for moving on easily. I tend to cling to the familiar. Hide in the usual. Wither in the expected. This is not exactly the soap box that I should be standing upon. Yet, I find this time the very words I speak for someone else, vibrate deeper in my own soul.

So, if you have been wondering where I have been – I have been, well, wondering myself.

Pondering the placement of the sun, moon and stars
Reflecting on the changes that have taken place in my life
Meditating on the Voice that whispers to my soul
Speculating as to where this life-path before me will lead

This sacred chase my soul has engaged in has enfolded a hush upon my muse. It is not a terminal condition but rather a deep, cleansing breath – a heavy sigh for the soul.

Soon…very soon…my muse will be uncovered.

A Night's Reprieve

The veil of this day has softly fallen and night has quietly crept in. As the light began a retreat to its resting place, I found myself drawn to the silence of darkness and to its sweet, soothing stillness hanging heavy in the air.

I greet these hours of dimming light with much welcome for it has not been an easy day. I can feel its enveloping solitude permeating my soul. I hunger for this. Right now, I need this. Difficulty has been this day.

Unexpected and unwanted visited me early and stayed well past their welcome. Neither had I greeted with much fondness. Yet, the lack of a warm and welcoming greeting never caused a moment’s hesitation in their appearing or in their staying.

Finally, in this darkness, I find relief.

It calls for release. It demands a letting go of all that called itself today. I gladly relinquish my claim to all the anger, frustration, angst, pride and hurt that invaded my day. I give it all away - what was good and what was not.

Today there was more of not.

Tonight there is a reprieve.

Tomorrow will be a new day.

(Now there is a new blog)