It whispers loud within me. This aching wonder that begs to know if this is it - my life - as it is.
It doesn't seem right to ask such questions yet now, right now, it echoes like a haunting melody.
I wonder if Paul would say to me, as he did the Corinthians..."I can't tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life. We didn't fence you in. The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren't small but you are living them in a small way.”
Is it wrong to want more? Is it wrong to feel less?
But it is wrong to seek to fill the emptiness with something other than God and His purpose and provision. To do that is like eating cotton candy- yummy in the moment but forgotten fluff in the next.
The hunger remains.
It is wrong to hold onto those things long dead. Things held as tightly as a favorite blanket to a toddler but that do nothing more than bring temporary comfort and hold you tight in its false security.
The angst still grips.
And it is no better to stand in the midst of the forest long dead because you are too afraid to venture into the new growth just beyond the dried up limbs.
The fear holds tight.
The gift I seek the most is one I have already been given. It waits unwrapped and opened in its fullness of enough.
He is everything.
He is all.
He is enough.
And, in Him, so am I.
© A Sacred Longing 2009-2012
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