Thursday, June 7, 2012

Stuck between fear and grace

I was blindsided a few weeks ago.  Ever since, I have been struggling - wrestling with an issue that is as layered as an onion and I am not yet sure when the center will be found. 
Each time I think I have resolution, I realize there is more to peel away.  In the wrestling I am finding opportunities to expose things in me that need Truth and Light shed upon them. I am also realizing that I have to deal with the issues of others and/or my perceptions of them. 
This is some heavy and hard stuff.
So here I am peeling back the stinky layers, just me and God.  Trying to figure out what is the next step.  The hard reality is that I have to take ownership of some of this pain.
Over the months, I have tucked away concerns, doubts, frustrations, hurts, dreams, hopes and wishes.  I neatly tucked them away.  I was fearful of giving voice to them and actually speaking them into a tangible existence.
Fear will work to keep things hidden. 
I have been afraid.  Afraid I will be misunderstood.  Afraid I will be disliked.  Afraid I will not be good enough.  Afraid I will have to do something.  Afraid I will fail.   And that is it…
I will be misunderstood. I will be disliked.  I will not be good enough.  I will have to do things.  I will fail – over and over again.
This is where Grace comes in and makes this broken vessel useable.  Grace seeks to restore what fear seeks to steal.  Grace lovingly uncovers while fear insists on hiding.  Grace brings truth.  Grace overflows with love.  Grace gestates hope.  Grace gives life and breath to dreams.
Begging to grasp the Grace in every layer exposed.

The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?
Psalm 27:1

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