Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Cut down, Broken and Poured Out

It hurts.
More than I want and deeper than I ever thought it would.  It is not all their fault and it is not all my fault.  The blame falls squarely between the two.  I think that makes it cut even deeper.
The raw throb makes concentrating difficult.  It distracts my heart.  It beckons a hardness to scab it over.  Yet, I know hardness will never bring healing.
He told me, “If you ever get to the place when you can’t worship you have to leave.”  I was almost there.  Just one more revelation – one more contradiction – one more okay for them but not for others sent me into a whirlwind. 
Would they think this was the case – the duality of what is said/done/allowed?  I doubt it. 
When looking from different angles, the perspective is different. 
Perspective is also part of the story.  They know their part.  I know mine.  We think we understand the each other but in truth, we don’t. 
We can’t.
I have to own what I know.   My pride, my hurt, my confusion and my anger that is what I know.  That is what I have to own.  That is what I have to confess.  That is what I have to release. 
Lay it down and let it go.
Walk away.
If I choose not to do this, what hardens on the surface will fester in the depths.   It will become a poison to the heart, to the soul and to the body. 
In the doing, comes the liberation.  Freedom for the Spirit to fill those places once occupied and now emptied with the fullness of One I long for. 
At His feet I come, carrying my pain, my sin, my part.  Break me open.  Break me down.  Pour me out. 
Then Spirit I beg, fill the empty places. 
Fill me full.

© A Sacred Longing 2009-2012


  1. Love to you dear friend. I don't know, but He does and He makes ALL things beautiful in His time. (hugs)

  2. Oh my dear blog friend. I come by often hoping to read a new post from you. Sometimes I feel you are visiting me at my blog as well, quietly... and you are welcome to do that. What matters to me is the spiritual, heart to heart connection.

    I weep with you over this painful choice. But you are right. There is a sovereign King to whom we owe a higher allegiance. Because a usurper is ever near, wanting to grab for himself what rightfully belongs to God alone.

    Be strong. When the floodwaters rise around us, we are meant to seek higher ground for our survival. He is right there with us in the storms of our lives.

    Keeping you close,