Monday, August 27, 2012

Dandelion Dreams....


I have been quiet here.  I know that.  Big changes are happening.  He has been doing a new thing both in me and through me...come visit and see why I am so excited!




With eyes closed and hands gently clutching this wisp of summer’s joy, I wished a dream, a simple dream, and then slowly exhaled.  With that kiss of breath, I opened my eyes and to watch the seeds scatter in a thousand different directions.  Each fluff carried with it the promise of more to come. 
I realize too many will see this little flower turned fuzz as nothing but a weed – an unwelcomed guest.  For me, right now, it is a simple reminder that dreams can and will be carried along in the breath of life.
I started this blogging journey a few years back and on a no good, very bad, unfortunate day my first blog was lost in the world of cyberspace.  Undaunted, I began again. 
Here in this spot I started over.  My words found a place to hide and my heart found a place to ponder.   In quiet wonder, life as it most often does shadowed the beauty of creation.  Seasons changed outside my window and inside my soul.
I will keep this blog (for now).   I don't know if or when I will write here but I will be writing  there! 


© A Sacred Longing 2009-2012

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Cut down, Broken and Poured Out



It hurts.
More than I want and deeper than I ever thought it would.  It is not all their fault and it is not all my fault.  The blame falls squarely between the two.  I think that makes it cut even deeper.
The raw throb makes concentrating difficult.  It distracts my heart.  It beckons a hardness to scab it over.  Yet, I know hardness will never bring healing.
He told me, “If you ever get to the place when you can’t worship you have to leave.”  I was almost there.  Just one more revelation – one more contradiction – one more okay for them but not for others sent me into a whirlwind. 
Would they think this was the case – the duality of what is said/done/allowed?  I doubt it. 
When looking from different angles, the perspective is different. 
Perspective is also part of the story.  They know their part.  I know mine.  We think we understand the each other but in truth, we don’t. 
We can’t.
I have to own what I know.   My pride, my hurt, my confusion and my anger that is what I know.  That is what I have to own.  That is what I have to confess.  That is what I have to release. 
Lay it down and let it go.
Walk away.
If I choose not to do this, what hardens on the surface will fester in the depths.   It will become a poison to the heart, to the soul and to the body. 
In the doing, comes the liberation.  Freedom for the Spirit to fill those places once occupied and now emptied with the fullness of One I long for. 
At His feet I come, carrying my pain, my sin, my part.  Break me open.  Break me down.  Pour me out. 
Then Spirit I beg, fill the empty places. 
Fill me full.


© A Sacred Longing 2009-2012

Saturday, July 28, 2012

5 Minute Friday - Beyond




There is something good about looking at what is beyond – especially when now is weighted with things hard and heavy. 
Beyond carries a measure of hope.  Hope when it is needed most. 
I have been quiet here of late wrestling with things and gazing beyond.
A necessary quiet, it has been.  A worthwhile quiet, I can say. 
It is a whispered thin place between now and beyond. 
Faith residing in both.


Five Minute Friday

(5 minute Friday...you write for 5 minutes - no more - no editing - then share!)


© A Sacred Longing 2009-2012

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Stuck between fear and grace



I was blindsided a few weeks ago.  Ever since, I have been struggling - wrestling with an issue that is as layered as an onion and I am not yet sure when the center will be found. 
Each time I think I have resolution, I realize there is more to peel away.  In the wrestling I am finding opportunities to expose things in me that need Truth and Light shed upon them. I am also realizing that I have to deal with the issues of others and/or my perceptions of them. 
This is some heavy and hard stuff.
So here I am peeling back the stinky layers, just me and God.  Trying to figure out what is the next step.  The hard reality is that I have to take ownership of some of this pain.
Over the months, I have tucked away concerns, doubts, frustrations, hurts, dreams, hopes and wishes.  I neatly tucked them away.  I was fearful of giving voice to them and actually speaking them into a tangible existence.
Fear will work to keep things hidden. 
I have been afraid.  Afraid I will be misunderstood.  Afraid I will be disliked.  Afraid I will not be good enough.  Afraid I will have to do something.  Afraid I will fail.   And that is it…
I will be misunderstood. I will be disliked.  I will not be good enough.  I will have to do things.  I will fail – over and over again.
This is where Grace comes in and makes this broken vessel useable.  Grace seeks to restore what fear seeks to steal.  Grace lovingly uncovers while fear insists on hiding.  Grace brings truth.  Grace overflows with love.  Grace gestates hope.  Grace gives life and breath to dreams.
Begging to grasp the Grace in every layer exposed.

The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?
Psalm 27:1



© A Sacred Longing 2009-

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Raining Grace






Wet and welcome is the rain falling outside my window today. Our ground has been dried hard for a long time – thirsty and waiting for this shower of grace to tumble from the sky.
I know what it feels like to be thirsty and waiting. Desperate with the arid sense of emptiness that wearies the soul.
Yet much like the rain that is gently dripping down my window, refreshing and refilling come. They always do.
Maybe not on my timetable and maybe not before some things dry hard and appear dead but in His perfect time grace falls gently and steadily.
So this day Lord, I stand in the rain with arms wide open and rejoice in the abundant gifts that fall gently from Your hands.

© A Sacred Longing 2009-2012

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Holy Saturday



This day I wait uneasy.
I am suspended between the fierceness of Good Friday and the glory of Resurrection Sunday.
Uncomfortable
Expectant
Still shaking from the “Goodness” of yesterday, I am forced to linger here. 
Between the echoes of pounding nails and the shouts of an empty tomb,
Between the power and the promise,
I wait.

Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world
Have mercy on me





© A Sacred Longing 2009-2012

Friday, April 6, 2012

Good Friday Reflection


Breathing is hard. 
With the weight of all that is falling on His shoulders standing is difficult but stand He must – for us.
We caused this moment. 
Our sins heaped upon Him hard and heavy.  Dark and bloody they drip over His being. 
He gasps and falls. 
They jeer.
He stands. 
They mumble.
With each strike of the hammer tearing into flesh, He willingly takes what isn’t His. 
It is ours.
Marring His beauty with our filth, it scars His body and sears our souls.
If you close your eyes, can you see it?
Can you smell the blood, the sweat?
Can you hear Him struggle for His very breath?
For you, for me…He suffered and died.
Fierce grace.


© A Sacred Longing 2009-2012

Friday, March 30, 2012

Smallness



It whispers loud within me.  This aching wonder that begs to know if this is it - my life - as it is.   

It doesn't seem right to ask such questions yet now, right now, it echoes like a haunting melody.   

I wonder if Paul would say to me, as he did the Corinthians..."I can't tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life.  We didn't fence you in.  The smallness you feel comes from within you.  Your lives aren't small but you are living them in a small way.  

Lilliputian living 

Is it wrong to want more?  Is it wrong to feel less? 

No. 

But it is wrong to seek to fill the emptiness with something other than God and His purpose and provision. To do that is like eating cotton candy- yummy in the moment but forgotten fluff in the next. 

The hunger remains. 

It is wrong to hold onto those things long dead.  Things held as tightly as a favorite blanket to a toddler but that do nothing more than bring temporary comfort and hold you tight in its false security. 

The angst still grips. 

And it is no better to stand in the midst of the forest long dead because you are too afraid to venture into the new growth just beyond the dried up limbs. 

The fear holds tight. 

The gift I seek the most is one I have already been given.  It waits unwrapped and opened in its fullness of enough.  

He is everything. 

He is all. 

He is enough. 

And, in Him, so am I.

Enough.


© A Sacred Longing 2009-2012
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Monday, March 19, 2012

Pausing to Count





I am starting this remembering again but this time I will number.  I think that I didn’t before because…well…I knew it wouldn’t be easy.
It isn’t easy to stop and see.  Nor is it easy to remember the smaller things.  Life left to its own devices screams past in a blur and yet in that very statement lays the heart of my problem.
Left to its own…what joy is that? 
Life owns nothing but the One who creates and sustains possesses it all.  The smallest of sparrow, the bud of the flower, the song of the crickets and my very breath are simple gifts of grace in the hand of God.
So, I begin, once again, to still my very self to see, to remember and to count.  I number for my heart.  A heart that pauses to take hold of Grace won’t have room for a life left to its own device. 


1. Early morning quiet
2. A cup of coffee and a good book
3. An early preview of summer's sun
4. A 4-legged companion to a morning jog
5. An unexpected video from a visit with my mom
6. Taxes that are done
7. Clean sheets and soft pillows
8. The opening blooms
9. Bubbles and baths
10. The grace that allows me to begin again






© A Sacred Longing 2009-2012

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Seeking my portion




Because of the Lord's faithful love we do not perish,
for His mercies never end.
They are new every morning:  great is Your faithfulness!
I say:  The Lord is my portion, therefore I will put my hope in Him.
Lamentations 3:22-24



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© A Sacred Longing 2009-2012

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

What will you be left with?





When  a loved one passes you aren’t left with much – trinkets that mean very little; maybe some money that means even less but the real treasure is found in the memories.
I am grateful that in the last few years we have taken the time to make some memories.  The etchings I have on my heart are warm and inviting.  Places I can linger long and cherish and for that I am eternally grateful. 

There are those who chose less  - much less - and for a long time that really bothered me.
Yet now, after years of anger and frustration, I finally realize that it is their loss not mine and truly not even hers.   What they are left holding are dusty recollections – years long passed – warped and worn neither cherished nor attended.  Forever it will be their shortfall and their legacy.
Be mindful my friends.  Death comes to us all. 
Cherish the living while they live because this is the making of priceless memories. 
Treasure the dying for no greater grace can be found than walking the final steps of a life journey with someone.
 Honor the dead for we follow not long after.


© A Sacred Longing 2009-2012

Thursday, February 23, 2012


Life

It passes by too quickly.  The 1,440 minutes that make up my day seem to whirl by virtually unnoticed. 

Death

It too comes quickly.  No matter the number of minutes or years between the first breath and the last, it always seems too soon.


This day would have been my mother's 88th birthday but instead of celebrating in life we are celebrating in our hearts.  A good reminder that each minute is as precious as the one before and we are not promised the one to come. 

Death does this...gives you pause.  It creates a selah in the midst of life.  It would do me well not to pass on by without a notice. 

It seems fitting that I enter in this Lenten season with fresh awareness of life and of death.  I pray that I have the eyes to see; the ears to hear;  the mouth to speak and the heart to love the grace and glory of my Saviour. 


I came across this prayer last year and it seems too good not to share it with you.

A Lenten prayer for families (author unknown)

Fast from juding others; feast on Christ in them.
Fast from wanting more; feast on being thankful.
Fast from anger; feast on patience.
Fast from worry; feast on trust.
Fast from complaining; feast on enjoyment.
Fast from negatives; feast on positives.
Fast from stress; feast on forgiveness.
Fast from self-concern; feast on compassion for others.
Fast from fear; feast on truth.
Fast from discouragement; feast on hope.
Fast from gossip; feast on silence.
Fast from fighting; feast on peace.  Amen.



© A Sacred Longing 2009-2012

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

An Eternal Release


Outside the window, the snow falls gently and the wind is howling cold.  Inside this room, we sit in vigil watching for the final breath.  Not wanting it to come yet at the same time begging it to hurry.

I am learning that life gives us many choices but death gives us very few.  We can't pick the day, the hour, or the way.  It comes when it is time - not a moment before or a minute after. 

Rarely do we seek its presence.  Still and yet, when its eerie silence echoes near we seem to grasp the patience we otherwise would seldom hold. 

So today we wait in expectation - seeking to be witness to the most precious of moments - a "thin place" where the heaven and earth join together.  Where a life ends here and a spirit finds eternal release. 



Dearest of friends, I wrote this 9 days ago - an eternity of emotions - and yet only 9 days.  On February 13, 2012 my mother passed from this world into the wholeness and grace that is found in the arms of our Savior.  No matter how old I am ... I will always be her baby. 

I love you now and forever, Mom. 


© A Sacred Longing 2009-2012