Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Inhaling deeply

It was a deep breath morning.

I need mornings like this.

Lots of them.

Mornings when I can sit on my swing in the sanctuary of my surroundings and hear Him speak to me. When my emptiness is wanting and His abundance is waiting.

This morning was full of an evanescent quiet. Fleeting as it was, I found myself enveloped by a gentleness that danced into my awakening.

A childlike moment that is as simple as blowing dandelion seeds into the wind.  A deep breath casting the seeds of grace to carry me through the day.

Joining in today at Chatting At The Sky's Tuesday Unwrapped

© A Sacred Longing 2009-2010

Thursday, June 17, 2010

A Rainy Trip to Ohio

Really and truly, I think that it always rains in Ohio.  It has become a constant joke that each and every time I visit the rain clouds come out.  So, I wasn't surprised that as I crossed the border from Pennsylvania into Ohio the moisture began to accumulate on my windshield.  Wasn't surprised but definitely disappointed.  Yet, rain or not I was here to spend a few days with my mom.  And, that is what I did.

Growing old isn't as graceful for some as we would wish.  Sadly, my mom is one that has aged in a less than kind way.  Parkinson's has taken more from her golden years than should be fair.  I wish it would be different but wishing doesn't make things so.  Still and yet, I was here for a whirlwind visit and rain or no rain we were going to do something fun.

Gratefully, my nursing background gives me the knowledge on how to transfer mom from wheelchair to car.  So, off we went on a little excursion.  We traveled around the old town.  Drove by the old homestead.  Time has not be kind to that neighborhood either.  We passed by the university and saw the new stadium and dorms.  Thankfully, this once vibrant manufacturing town has a growing university to fill the empty spaces.   Soon, we found ourselves at P.F. Changs because Mom had a hankering for Chinese food. While she didn't quite understand why there were no Chinese people (servers) in the Chinese restaurant, nonetheless, she enjoyed the food.  Every good meal should be followed by  a yummy dessert and soon we were parked in front of our favorite frozen custard stand.  A few more stops and we were back "home".

"Home".  It doesn't seem right to call this place "home" but for her right now, that is what it is.  All my best promises and intentions meant nothing when Parkinson's and dementia came knocking.  What I am left with is a good bit of sadness, a tad bit of guilt and a lot of gratefulness that Mom is happy where she is. 

The raindrops weren't falling when I left Ohio - only my tears.  So, all you Buckeyes put away your umbrellas and hand me a kleenex, please. 

© A Sacred Longing 2009-2010

Thursday, June 10, 2010

A morning walk

Fresh air, warm sun and the slow awakening of the world around me was a moment of grace at the start of my day.  In this very brief moment, I am able to gather in deeply the beauty of life and creation. 

Too soon the day will become busy and distracting.  It was never His intent.  Nor is it His making.  It is mine.  All mine. 

Nonetheless, the Creator's canvas is always before me.  Beauty and grace appear with each stroke of His hand and whisper of His breath.  These moments are never meant to be brief and fleeting.  Rather, with eyes to see and ears to hear I would encounter the unimaginable beauty that surrounds my every breath.  A beauty that should bring me to my knees.

His Spirit beckons me to pause. 

To see.

And hear.

Then be changed.

I am learning to turn from the chaos and seek the calm of the Creator.  To look deeper into the eyes of the one I am talking to.  To listen beyond the words but to the heart.  To wander beyond the obvious into the deep. 

It is a faith walk, my friends.  A simple path to the place where heaven's grace caresses the earth.  Prepare to remove your sandals because we are standing on Holy Ground.

© A Sacred Longing 2009-2010

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

New Doors

I know that my blog has been a bit redundant after the Haiti trip.  Quite honestly, I am ashamed to say it has been a lot like the movie "Groundhog Day".  I was too afraid to move on. 

On Saturday,  I stepped down from any real role on our church's womens ministry leadership team.  It was a humbling departure for I had to admit that I hadn't been pulling my fair share for the last few months.  I was too busy wrestling with God and not wanting to give up something that I have been so involved in for the last 15 or so years (3-4 at this church).  But as I walk away from this with a limp, I know that I have chosen the right thing. 

For much to long, I have been wanting to stay comfortable in what I know rather than stepping out into the waters God was calling me to.

My lack of follow through left me listing like a boat without a paddle or motor.  Disobedience does that.

My lack of follow through caused confusion not only for me but for those around me.  Disobedience does that.

My lack of follow through compounded problems rather solved even one.  Disobedience does that.

My willful disobedience didn't bring about anything of value or lasting promise.

So, Saturday I had to ask forgiveness from my God and from those around me.  Not easy but necessary. 

Necessary for the next step...

© A Sacred Longing 2009-2010