Monday, August 27, 2012

Dandelion Dreams....

I have been quiet here.  I know that.  Big changes are happening.  He has been doing a new thing both in me and through me...come visit and see why I am so excited!

With eyes closed and hands gently clutching this wisp of summer’s joy, I wished a dream, a simple dream, and then slowly exhaled.  With that kiss of breath, I opened my eyes and to watch the seeds scatter in a thousand different directions.  Each fluff carried with it the promise of more to come. 
I realize too many will see this little flower turned fuzz as nothing but a weed – an unwelcomed guest.  For me, right now, it is a simple reminder that dreams can and will be carried along in the breath of life.
I started this blogging journey a few years back and on a no good, very bad, unfortunate day my first blog was lost in the world of cyberspace.  Undaunted, I began again. 
Here in this spot I started over.  My words found a place to hide and my heart found a place to ponder.   In quiet wonder, life as it most often does shadowed the beauty of creation.  Seasons changed outside my window and inside my soul.
I will keep this blog (for now).   I don't know if or when I will write here but I will be writing  there! 

© A Sacred Longing 2009-2012

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Cut down, Broken and Poured Out

It hurts.
More than I want and deeper than I ever thought it would.  It is not all their fault and it is not all my fault.  The blame falls squarely between the two.  I think that makes it cut even deeper.
The raw throb makes concentrating difficult.  It distracts my heart.  It beckons a hardness to scab it over.  Yet, I know hardness will never bring healing.
He told me, “If you ever get to the place when you can’t worship you have to leave.”  I was almost there.  Just one more revelation – one more contradiction – one more okay for them but not for others sent me into a whirlwind. 
Would they think this was the case – the duality of what is said/done/allowed?  I doubt it. 
When looking from different angles, the perspective is different. 
Perspective is also part of the story.  They know their part.  I know mine.  We think we understand the each other but in truth, we don’t. 
We can’t.
I have to own what I know.   My pride, my hurt, my confusion and my anger that is what I know.  That is what I have to own.  That is what I have to confess.  That is what I have to release. 
Lay it down and let it go.
Walk away.
If I choose not to do this, what hardens on the surface will fester in the depths.   It will become a poison to the heart, to the soul and to the body. 
In the doing, comes the liberation.  Freedom for the Spirit to fill those places once occupied and now emptied with the fullness of One I long for. 
At His feet I come, carrying my pain, my sin, my part.  Break me open.  Break me down.  Pour me out. 
Then Spirit I beg, fill the empty places. 
Fill me full.

© A Sacred Longing 2009-2012

Saturday, July 28, 2012

5 Minute Friday - Beyond

There is something good about looking at what is beyond – especially when now is weighted with things hard and heavy. 
Beyond carries a measure of hope.  Hope when it is needed most. 
I have been quiet here of late wrestling with things and gazing beyond.
A necessary quiet, it has been.  A worthwhile quiet, I can say. 
It is a whispered thin place between now and beyond. 
Faith residing in both.

Five Minute Friday

(5 minute write for 5 minutes - no more - no editing - then share!)

© A Sacred Longing 2009-2012

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Stuck between fear and grace

I was blindsided a few weeks ago.  Ever since, I have been struggling - wrestling with an issue that is as layered as an onion and I am not yet sure when the center will be found. 
Each time I think I have resolution, I realize there is more to peel away.  In the wrestling I am finding opportunities to expose things in me that need Truth and Light shed upon them. I am also realizing that I have to deal with the issues of others and/or my perceptions of them. 
This is some heavy and hard stuff.
So here I am peeling back the stinky layers, just me and God.  Trying to figure out what is the next step.  The hard reality is that I have to take ownership of some of this pain.
Over the months, I have tucked away concerns, doubts, frustrations, hurts, dreams, hopes and wishes.  I neatly tucked them away.  I was fearful of giving voice to them and actually speaking them into a tangible existence.
Fear will work to keep things hidden. 
I have been afraid.  Afraid I will be misunderstood.  Afraid I will be disliked.  Afraid I will not be good enough.  Afraid I will have to do something.  Afraid I will fail.   And that is it…
I will be misunderstood. I will be disliked.  I will not be good enough.  I will have to do things.  I will fail – over and over again.
This is where Grace comes in and makes this broken vessel useable.  Grace seeks to restore what fear seeks to steal.  Grace lovingly uncovers while fear insists on hiding.  Grace brings truth.  Grace overflows with love.  Grace gestates hope.  Grace gives life and breath to dreams.
Begging to grasp the Grace in every layer exposed.

The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?
Psalm 27:1

© A Sacred Longing 2009-