Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Countdown to Ecuador

I know that I have been noticeably absent.

I am not sure why.

I am full of words, thoughts and yet, not a single one have I been able to muster into a coherent idea to share. I think as the days draw closer to my trip to Ecuador, I am feeling overwhelmed.

One of my inherent weaknesses is my need to control. Which is why I tend to be a good planner – planning and control seem to be good companions. Yet, for this trip I am planning nothing but my own arrival to the airport. There it will end – my control - that is.

So for now, I worry. I can do that. I am not supposed to but I am really good at it.

Why am I so gifted at the things I am not supposed to do?

Will you help me by praying? Pray that as I prepare for this trip I will release my grip and open my hands to receive what God gives. Also, that I will find the strength to give my anxious thoughts to the only One who can give me the peace that surpasses all understanding.

I know the grace that comes from trips such as this. My heart has been overwhelmed in the past and I expect that it will happen once again.

I can’t help but feel nervous though because I have felt the Lord whispering to me of late. At times it has felt like a commissioning – the call to move on. I am not sure the where, the why, the what or the how and that is unsettling. I guess that is the point. I should be unsettled. Comfort is not what He has called me to. Where this trip fit to this is yet to be seen but I am sure of one thing – it will be seen. In His time and when He reveals.

So for now I will share a journal entry from my last Operation Walk mission trip as much for you as it is as a reminder for me of what is to come...

It is hot, oppressively hot. Every pore of my body is sweating in a wasted effort of trying to cool itself. I am soaked, exhausted but grateful I am here in Nicaragua.

I am blessed with the opportunity to be in this place, right now. Living a brief moment of my life outside of the box. Here I am living my vocation – giving my vocation to those who may have never had an opportunity for this life changing surgery, were it not for grace.


In this brief moment, we all are experiencing it.

I have often heard from those who have traveled similar paths before say, “what is received is so much more than what is given.” No truer words could be spoken. It is impossible to live this experience and not be changed in some way.

In my ordinary, I am a nurse. It is my occupation – with is many rules, regulations and expectations. In this extraordinary moment, it is my vocation – a sacred calling. I am lost in the grace overflowing – to me, within me and from me.

I cannot be the same

© A Sacred Longing 2009


  1. Denise - I will certainly be praying for you as you near the time for your mission trip.

    My daughter Melissa leaves in 10 days headed for Cameroon, Africa. SHe will be gone for 2 1/2 months.

    Please remember her also.

    You have such a wonderful way with words. Look forward to more writings from you!

  2. I think you are wise to let your emotions and thoughts unfold as they come rather than trying to "imagine" them all up front and, therefore, control them in any measure. I'm a very emotional creature; I'm also very controlling. Not a good mix when one of those gets out of control. I've really purposed in my heart to bring my thoughts captive to Jesus ... to talk over everything with him. It's a hard discipline but one I that has helped me tremendously as I seek to live out of my faith rather than my emotions.

    Can't wait to hear more as the trip unfolds. You are on my heart today, friend.


  3. Bless you, Denise! Thanks for sharing your thoughts AND your worries! I think we are all pretty good at the things we shouldn't be doing!

    I know with all my heart that your trip is a God appointment! He has something very intentional and very special to show you...to teach you...and yes, you will never be the same!

    In His Name....
    Be blessed, dear one,

  4. Praying for you sis and believing God is 'fittin' to blow your mind on this trip - in a good way of course. ;) Love you!

  5. Denise, I will be praying for you on this trip. Thanks for sharing your heart and emotions here today. It helps to know in directing our prayers for you.

    God Bless,

  6. Will be praying for you...I had a few hours to blog hop tonight and enjoyed yours.

  7. I love this post entry, Denise. I have not read much of your blog, so it helps me know you much better.

    Praise God that He is continuing to teach you how to let go, and to live your life out of the box.

    I also read your latest post, and will try to visit the blog sites you mentioned.

    I appreciate having "met" you.

    Looking forward to hearing more about your trip to Ecuador.