A Sacred Longing

Did you miss me while I was away?

What? You mean you didn’t know I was on a trip?

I have to admit, this trip wasn’t for pleasure. In fact, it was filled with a lot of frustrating, aggravating, sad and pitiful moments.

I never even left my home and that is probably a very good thing. Yet, I carried around some heavy baggage not willing to lay it down for even a minute. For goodness sake, aren’t we supposed to keep our baggage in our possession at all times?

I was holding on with a grip so tight - white knuckle tight. It was obvious that I wasn’t willing to release any of it.

I was having a mini-version of a midlife crisis. With my birthday beginning to loom ever closer, I embarked on a “woe is me “journey. Maybe you have traveled a similar path....

Why me?
Why not me?
What am I doing here?
Will anyone even remember me when I am gone?
Have I lived life like I should have?
Shouldn’t there be more?
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH

It’s a dismal trip and not one I would recommend to anyone. Yet, I got the map; bought the ticket; packed the bags and commenced the journey.

Be glad I forgot the camera. Some things just should not be caught on film – digital or not.

Thankfully, it was a short trip.

Bored with the repetitive sights and sounds passing before me, I began to read and Psalm 103 lay open before me. I knew it was time – time to put it all down.

Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name. Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me.

I wasn’t praising – not even with half a heart. My pity party was as far from a praise fest as I could be. Carrying all that baggage, I wasn’t lifting anything - not a song, not a hand, not even a grateful thought.

Yet, as I continued to read, I felt my grip loosening.

He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies.

Soon, a bag slips from my hand.

He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like an eagle’s!

Another bag tumbles out of my grip, then another follows soon after. Tears begin to fall.

The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever...the Lord is like a father…tender and compassionate to those who fear him.

I was empty and I knew this journey was soon to end.

For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust. Our days on earth are like grass; like wildflowers, we bloom and die. The wind blows, and we are gone – as though we had never been here. BUT THE LOVE OF THE LORD REMAINS FOREVER with those who fear him…

My bloom endures.

My “crisis” is over.

His love remains.

© A Sacred Longing 2009