It is hard in these moments.
When doubt rales at me like hurricane force winds.
When I wonder what makes me think I can pen words to pages.
When I think life should be lived and dreams don't exist.
Pessimist or realist maybe...
Box dweller is probably most true.
Content in the margins
Cozy in the confines
Careful with the outside
I remember once seeing a little toy. A plastic replica of a box that when turned on bounced around and spurted "get me out of here" from within. That toy is me.
I am tired of keeping myself.
I am bored with my borders.
Oh but friends, it is scary to step out into the unknown.
I have scribbled thoughts here and there. I have mentioned to a few trusted ones that I "love" to write. I have on occasion dreamt that I would once find myself weaving words and themes into something that others would seek to ingest. But that is where it ends...locked up tight in "want to but afraid to".
Have you felt this way?
At the end of this month, I have been blessed with the gift of an opportunity. I have a "golden" ticket. While this one won't give me a lifetime of chocolate or cute oompa-loompas as companions, it does carry with it some "awe"-ness.
I will sit in a room
and hear her
and so many more, who have found their voice - who have penned their words and who have lived their dreams.
Who knew...that those I have lurked in the margins and ogled behind the screen will now be in front of me...moving and breathing.
Will I bumble like an idiot - could be a possibility.Will I get lost in a room - most likely.
Will I want to run and hide - you betcha.Will I break out in hives and tremble in fear - hope not.
Will I be encouraged, strengthened and meet new friends - let it be so!
© A Sacred Longing 2009-2011