What is within me is so much more than what I am.

I am broken, scared, lonely, angry, hurt and frustrated.

I throw the shards of my sin and hurt those who love me.

I dream big dreams and hide behind shadows.

Yet in the smallness of my soul, He looms large.

He exists within and seeks to be poured out.

A willing vessel is what He desires.

A shattered clay pot is what I am.

Fill me.

Always and forever

Seeking to grasp and then live this Truth.

He that is within me is so much more than what I am.

© A Sacred Longing 2009-2011

The Relevant Conference 2011

It is hard in these moments.

When doubt rales at me like hurricane force winds.
When I wonder what makes me think I can pen words to pages.
When I think life should be lived and dreams don't exist.

Pessimist or realist maybe...

Box dweller is probably most true.

Content in the margins
Cozy in the confines
Careful with the outside

I remember once seeing a little toy.  A plastic replica of a box that when turned on bounced around and spurted "get me out of here" from within.  That toy is me.

I am tired of keeping myself. 

I am bored with my borders.

Oh but friends, it is scary to step out into the unknown.

I have scribbled thoughts here and there.  I have mentioned to a few trusted ones that I "love" to write.  I have on occasion dreamt that I would once find myself weaving words and themes into something that others would seek to ingest.  But that is where it ends...locked up tight in "want to but afraid to". 

Have you felt this way?

At the end of this month, I have been blessed with the gift of an opportunity.  I have a "golden" ticket.  While this one won't give me a lifetime of chocolate or cute oompa-loompas as companions, it does carry with it some "awe"-ness. 

I will sit in a room

and hear her
and her
and her
and him

and so many more, who have found their voice - who have penned their words and who have lived their dreams.

Who knew...that those I have lurked in the margins and ogled behind the screen will now be in front of me...moving and breathing.

Will I bumble like an idiot - could be a possibility.

Will I get lost in a room - most likely.

Will I want to run and hide - you betcha.

Will I break out in hives and tremble in fear - hope not.

Will I be encouraged, strengthened and meet new friends - let it be so!

 

© A Sacred Longing 2009-2011

When you don't think you have enough...

Do you ever have those moments when a message keeps coming at you from many different places? 

This past week has been that for me.  Like a bouquet of the same flower that I am gathering one bloom at a time or maybe I should say one fish and loaf at a time.

In John 6:1-13 we have the familiar story of Jesus feeding the five thousand.  Like you, I have read this story many times.   I thought I knew it. 

That is what I get for thinking!

When Jesus looked up and saw a great crowd coming toward him, he said to Philip, "Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?"  He asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do.  Philip answered him, "Eight months wages would not buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!"    

John 6:5-7  NIV (emphasis mine)

Philip witnessed Jesus perform miracles prior to this question.  Yet, he didn't respond with the anticipation of what Christ would do but rather with the limitation of what Philip could not do.  He could not buy enough bread. 

Major fail, Philip.

So here it is...

I have the propensity to respond just like Philip.  I measure the task in front of me by based not on what God can do but rather what I cannot. 

In my eyes, the obstacle is daunting.  In God's eyes, it is minutia.

In a sermon this weekend, I heard "It is too easy to allow the magnitude of a task keep you from doing it."  If Philip was right, those people would still be hungry.   And yet, they ate all that they had wanted and even had leftovers!

I have thought too many times like Philip. 

I have evaluated the circumstance in light of what I have - what I can do - what my abilities are.  I have given up and given in too easily because truth be told, I will never have enough.

But God...

He knows what He is going to do.  He doesn't need us but He does want us.  He has placed us where we are at this very moment.  All we need to do is offer what we have and trust that He will transform it.

It wasn't Philip's job to feed the 5000.  It was his responsibility to offer what he had and believe Christ to transform it. 

When I don't have enough words to write...

I need to offer what I have and allow Him to transform it.

When I don't have the strength to complete the task...

I need to offer what I have and allow Him to transform it

When I don't have the courage to step out...

 I need to offer what I have and allow Him to transform it.

When I don't have the faith to believe...

 I need to offer what I have and allow Him to transform it.

I will never have enough.

He always will.



© A Sacred Longing 2009-2011