Did you miss me while I was away?

What? You mean you didn’t know I was on a trip?

I have to admit, this trip wasn’t for pleasure. In fact, it was filled with a lot of frustrating, aggravating, sad and pitiful moments.

I never even left my home and that is probably a very good thing. Yet, I carried around some heavy baggage not willing to lay it down for even a minute. For goodness sake, aren’t we supposed to keep our baggage in our possession at all times?

I was holding on with a grip so tight - white knuckle tight. It was obvious that I wasn’t willing to release any of it.

I was having a mini-version of a midlife crisis. With my birthday beginning to loom ever closer, I embarked on a “woe is me “journey. Maybe you have traveled a similar path....

Why me?
Why not me?
What am I doing here?
Will anyone even remember me when I am gone?
Have I lived life like I should have?
Shouldn’t there be more?
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH

It’s a dismal trip and not one I would recommend to anyone. Yet, I got the map; bought the ticket; packed the bags and commenced the journey.

Be glad I forgot the camera. Some things just should not be caught on film – digital or not.

Thankfully, it was a short trip.

Bored with the repetitive sights and sounds passing before me, I began to read and Psalm 103 lay open before me. I knew it was time – time to put it all down.

Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name. Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me.

I wasn’t praising – not even with half a heart. My pity party was as far from a praise fest as I could be. Carrying all that baggage, I wasn’t lifting anything - not a song, not a hand, not even a grateful thought.

Yet, as I continued to read, I felt my grip loosening.

He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies.

Soon, a bag slips from my hand.

He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like an eagle’s!

Another bag tumbles out of my grip, then another follows soon after. Tears begin to fall.

The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever...the Lord is like a father…tender and compassionate to those who fear him.

I was empty and I knew this journey was soon to end.

For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust. Our days on earth are like grass; like wildflowers, we bloom and die. The wind blows, and we are gone – as though we had never been here. BUT THE LOVE OF THE LORD REMAINS FOREVER with those who fear him…

My bloom endures.

My “crisis” is over.

His love remains.

© A Sacred Longing 2009

Happy Birthday to me!

Here I stand with my birthday gift ready to log in a few miles to celebrate.

Our little suburb has created this beautiful bike/hike trail by converting old train tracks into a amazing cross county trail. I couldn't wait to check it out. Since an injury last summer, my running has been haphazard at best and my weight has crept up and up. This seemed like a great way to have some fun and get back in shape.

Here is my husband enjoying himself on his new bike.

Thank goodness we went early. It started out nice and cool but considering we were out there almost two hours the sun really started beating down on us.

Two hours later and almost 15 miles (pretty good for the first time out, I think), I couldn't pass taking a picture at this sign...a good way to end a bike ride on my birthday, don't you think!

'Cuz goodness knows...I am feeling like an old woman!

© A Sacred Longing 2009

It's Monday...I'm Crabby...You've been warned!

It is Monday. I'm not sure why but I am not a fan of Mondays. In fact, I get crabby early on Sunday evening just in anticipation of Mondays.

See....this is me...okay, not really but close, real close.

Not only is it Monday but July is almost over - it's the 20th for goodness sake! I mean, really, how did it happen! It seems like only yesterday we were just watching the trees budding and the flowers blooming and now summer is almost a memory. Yikes!

I hope that you have done something fun and exciting. We haven't a plan made yet for a vacation. If things keep going like this, I doubt that anything remotely exciting and fun will grace our calendars at least before the leaves start changing colors and falling off the trees.

**HEAVY SIGH**

Some days I just want to be 5 years old again. The days seemed brighter and longer. The only only worry I had was if I could stop the ice cream truck as it drove down my street. Catching lightening bugs was a twilight favorite and almost as fun as sitting on the porch drinking sweet tea and watching the cars drive by.

Life unscripted.

Simply lived.

I'm wishin' for some of that -- or at least for Tuesday!

© A Sacred Longing 2009

Sweet Silence

Sweet silence I beg
do not leave me.
Rather, surround me
in your gentle arms.
In your sweet caress,
may I find peace.
In your warm embrace,
may I find love.
In your quiet comfort,
may I find forgiveness.
Oh, gentle spirit
graceful and true.
In your presence,
I know that God exists.
In the sweetness of solitude,
He speaks to me.

I hope that all of you are enjoying the sweets of the summer. As you can see, I have been to one of my favorite soft-serve stands here. It is a throwback to a generation ago and just as yummy now as I am sure it was then.

These last few days have been wonderful. Quiet, restful and full of tangible moments of God's love. I pray that you will find such moments in your day. They are there, we just need to slow down and savor the sweetness He provides.

© A Sacred Longing 2009

A Holy Transformation

In the quietness of this morning, I have had time to consider how this life's journey for me must change. Fearful, though I am, that the prospect of this reworking will be temporary at best, I endeavor forward. I struggle for boldness and strength. I am all too familiar, that on my own, I have none. In Christ, however, I am learning I have it all.

I plead for courage, a fearless audacity to live in the boldness of Him who I confess as Savior and Lord. I implore for a holy moxie to strengthen the timidity of my own endeavors. Without it I will fail but with it, the transformation that I seek will be a lasting one. Its success or failure lies in the surrender of my will for His.

It will be a daily, if not a moment by moment, chore to abdicate my throne for His. Every thought, every word and every deed will need to be scrutinized to be found worthy of a wanderer of Christ. Sacred pauses in my day will be necessary to confirm the course of my pilgrimage. These holy interludes will be required to verify my bearings and rework my steps as I persevere on this journey to a holy transformation. Necessary and required they are but not easily found, I am sure, at least not in the beginning of this pilgrimage. It will have to be a determined pursuit on my part to seek these pivotal pauses.

So, I prepare.

It's the transformation I anticipate.

Christ in me is what I desire.

© A Sacred Longing 2009

A Prayer of Freedom

Father, I thank you for this country of mine and for the freedom and liberty I have. I know that this hasn’t come without a cost. Much too often the price is too high for our hearts and minds to comprehend. Thank you for those who stand strong and courageous when this nation sends out its battle cry. It is in their boot prints that we stand free and proud.

In heartfelt gratitude I lift up those who in service to our country are separated this day from their loved ones. Bind these separated hearts together with a strength and devotion that miles cannot break apart. Guard and guide these men and women until they are safe at home again.

With deep sorrow, I pray for those who have lost life, limb and hope in battles here and abroad. Surround them and their families with your loving arms. Give them the strength and courage to step into the days ahead. Let not their sacrifice be forgotten.

Oh gracious Lord, embolden us all to live our lives in a manner worthy of the sacrifices made. Let us not forget that the rights we enjoy have been paid for by the valor of others.

On this day, a day of remembrance and celebration when speeches will abound, let not our words be proud and empty. May we with humble hearts, pray and seek your face. May we turn from those things that bring sorrow to your heart and look for your forgiveness. Bless us Lord, this country and its people. May we never lose favor in your sight.

Best laid plans – shot.

Here I sit in one of my least favorite places, the car service center waiting for the inevitable gasp that follows the “ma’am we have good news and bad news.” I was ready this time with laptop in tow to steal away, just my computer and me. A much felt yearning of late, this want of computer time, for I have missed you all dearly. But alas, it was not to be. One simple button pushed left me staring the stark reality of a BOOT ERROR. With that somber note, my plans were changed.

No computer just a trusty old legal pad and pen.

Simple
Plain

Not what I wanted but probably what I need.

Straightforward
Unembellished
Ordinary

There is more of me in the meeting of ink to paper than can be found in the pressing of a key. The flair of the marks has a voice of its own. Unlike the homogeneous and the anonymous print of New Times Roman, volumes are spoken in my loops and lines. It is me, all me.

It is art of a voice painted on paper.

I hear its whisper calling me back to the paper, the pen and the heart of who I am.

Simple
Plain
Ordinary

So, I begin now.


This was written this morning as I waited for the “good new/bad news”. Funny, this time I just got the “bad news”. Did I say this is one of my least favorite places to be!

Yet, there is good news. I am going to begin journaling again.