Rerun - Captivity of Grace

Hospital Chapel in Nicaragua

It is official. Sadly, as of today my former blog "Teacups and Time" has been officially deleted. **heavy sigh** I am grateful for all that precious little corner of cyberspace brought to me. I share a post that was originally found there.

I enter the sanctuary hungry and tired this crisp morning. The sum total of who I am seeks to be satiated. Many things have attempted to gratify but in them is found only a temporary release. Soon, the appetite returns more ravenous than before. At this table, the banquet is set and the feast is to begin. I wait with anxious expectation for the honored guest to arrive.

I am not left wanting or waiting long. Soon, upon my cheek I feel the warmth of His breath whispering softly to my spirit, “You are my beloved.” In His embrace, I feel the letting go of all that binds my spirit to the emptiness within. In the gentleness of His caress, I sense the beckoning to draw closer.

As I gather here, I find Him vivid, palpable and alive. The totality of who I am has hungered for this encounter. In my want, I have struggled for this moment. At this table, my striving is surrendered to His presence - my doing is captured by His being.

A captivity of grace – may I never find release!

Early morning wanderings

These early morning moments are the times I catch up on my blog reading. I am often given pause for the day in the words I read. This morning was no exception.

The voices we give to our words whether spoken or written have impact. Today, I was taken to my knees not once but twice. I just feel compelled to encourage you to visit these to blogs.

"The Ebb and Flow of Faith" at What I Learned Today...

and

"Please Include Me" at Getting Down With Jesus

May your wanderings today find pause in your hearts!

Shalom,
Denise

Mary is perched there like the Walm*rt greeter, the first person you see when the elevator doors open.

All similarities stop with her location. She isn’t handing out smiles or stickers perched upon a stool. It is more of an empty, hollow gaze that pierces back from a reclining chair.

An uncomfortable gaze it is. Not because she makes it so but rather because I take it as the bitter drink of this place. Gratefully, she doesn’t speak, at least not much more than an incessant chorus of “yoyoyoyoyo”.

Weakly, I smile as I quickly walk by. Out of the corner of my eye, I see what flashes for a brief moment in her stare, a glimmer of hope. As briskly as I pass, it fades from her eyes.

Expressive aphasia causes this one the difficulty of sharing her needs. It has stolen from her the ability to communicate with ease and understanding. In her, I see my reflection.

While I still have this gift of gab, I have of late been unable to give voice to that which lies within me. This affliction of mine is not physical. Sadly, I fear that would be easier to accept. For now, I am stuck wondering.

Do others see in my gaze emptiness? Maybe a fleeting glimmer of hope? Do others pass me by because I can say no more than "memememe”?

How do I articulate in words that which has hidden so deep within me?

Others have memories – I do not. Others have reasons – I can’t think of any. Others have excuses – I could make some up.

What I do have is feeling that something isn’t right. I feel defeated by an enemy I cannot verbalize.

Shame is a prevailing sense of worthlessness that leads to the false belief I am what I am. I cannot change. I am hopeless.
Robert S. McGee, The Search for Significance

My truth doesn’t reside in this brokenness.

It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.
Ephesians 1:11 The Message

My truth is found in The Truth – Christ. There is no confusion and shame in His presence. It is grace – amazing and abundant.

Receive and experience the amazing grace of the Master, Jesus Christ, deep, deep within yourselves.
Philippians 4:23 The Message

It is there in the depths that healing grace meets my shame. Truth is restored and a voice is regained by the touch of One who cares.

As I prepare to leave, she is still there waiting. I start to pass by but I stop instead. I kneel down and touch her arm. “Mary, how are you today?” She smiles and with great effort haltingly speaks, “I am well, thank you.” With that, her hand covers mine. Her eyes no longer empty but shine back gratefulness. As I stand and turn toward the elevator, I smile back knowingly.

Grace reflects back grace.

Rerun #3 - Be Still

This was originally posted on my Teacups and Time Blog last January. I have made a few changes. After visiting Without Wax today, I was prompted to share this post again.

Be still and know that I am God.

Psalm 46:10

I have felt a call of late. It is beckoning my very soul into its presence. It asks nothing more of me than to be quiet. It would seem at first glance that I am being asked the impossible.

The frenetic pace of life has infected me with its virus of restless and wandering thoughts. I am tainted, contaminated but thankfully, not terminal.

So, I wait.

In the quiet of my surroundings, I wait. Loudly and impatiently, I wait.

There is a mystery in silence.

Surrender and healing draw near.

**************************************************

Be still and know that I am GOD

You are the Alpha and Omega. All things are created by your hand. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens without your knowledge. Great are you, Lord, and mighty in power. My existence is by your hand. My very breath is whispered from your lips.

Be still and know that I AM

You were before anything was. You are here now. You will forever be. What You are I am not nor will I ever be.

Be still and KNOW

It doesn't come easy. Good things rarely do. Priceless items like wisdom and knowledge are treasures to seek. I know very little, save the fact, I want you Lord - morning, noon, night, inside, out, above, around and below - only to know You.

Be STILL

Quiet me. I create my own clamor. Incessantly, even when I don't want to, I do. Turn my very being away from the outward things and toward you.

BE

Exist in Him.

Exist for Him.

Breathe Him alone.